Hurting myself

When I was eleven years old, my mom passed away. After she passed away I went to live with my second cousins in a different country. So not only had I lost my mother, but my dad was far away also. My siblings were scattered everywhere. My oldest brother lived in Canada. My sister was the only one close to me. My other brother moved to Kansas. It seemed life would never be normal. After her death, life slowly took its place, and my dad remarried after two years. I found friends but not the ones your parents want you to have. I started drinking and smoking just because my friends did. It didn’t take long and I enjoyed it. This life continued until I was fifteen years, so you can imagine I started drinking at a really young age, but no one seemed to care how old I was.

Why it Hurt So Much

I still don’t’ completely understand why it hurt so much. I know I’m a person that needs friendship and to take it to a deep level. Let me just back up some. When my boyfriend and I got involved sexually, I would beat on myself. I hated myself so very much and had only negative thoughts about myself. It was then when I started hurting myself. I would cut myself on my thighs (where no one would see) and when I was really frustrated with myself, I would run and throw myself against walls or to the ground. It left big bruises that I always lied about. I figured I would stop after my boyfriend and I broke up. But, when I found out my good friend liked my ex-boyfriend, I only knew to make the emotional pain go away (without drugs or alcohol) for a bit, is to hurt myself physically.

Changed Life

Well, January was my time. I received Jesus into my heart or I allowed him into it. I had to find new friends which was really difficult at the time. My old friends thought I was such a loser and now boring. But, I was determined to stick with God and I did. I put everything in his hands. He gave me a group of wonderful Christian girl friends. I had even put off guys. I didn’t want a boyfriend unless he was dedicated to God and God wanted us together. God has worked miracles in my life. God gave me a wonderful earthly father, brothers and a sister that mean so much to me. I got involved with my local church and people often tell me what a positive influence I am. God even blessed me with a boyfriend who was totally dedicated to God and we served to the best of our ability to the church we attended. If you have never accepted Christ, you’re really missing out on the mighty things he does and still will do in my life. I can’t wait to see them all.

Knowing God